Occasional Diary

This book reveals that it's okay to be an introvert

Sometimes you need solitude more than anything and you would long for it through an overwhelming desire to take a break from everything routine based and everyone around. It may be difficult to realise it's worth for most while some would definitely know what I am talking about. It is much needed when perhaps you've been highly stimulated and you cave into the depths of your self-contained personality that finally demands a break. 

Corporations classify days off into categories such as sick, casual, annual but is there a leave of solitude and mental well-being being recognised? Well, there you go with your sick leave ...

Solitude and nature, together may heal you like perhaps nothing ever will (although one can't deny the much needed company of some close friends and family); the sound of birds chirping in a forest, the sound of crashing waves or simply a cool breeze blowing may help you rediscover yourself or better yet, help you make peace with the reality or practice gratitude in a way more profound than ever before.

I came across this book called 'Quiet: The Power of introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain and I must say that it is the best book I have read this year. It's about personality types, most importantly introverts and goes on to share in-depth, research based examples of introverts who have done something extraordinary in the world or studies conducted over decades to reveal that one doesn't necessarily have to be a party animal to do something worthwhile. 
  
You do not necessarily need to create noise for everything that you do but may often be mistaken as inert and someone who lacks energy or reluctance to take an initiative; unlike maybe a colleague who is highly extroverted and prefers delegating tasks while taking credit for work done by a smart introvert. It's a battle of using, let's say 'we' in work emails versus 'I' ... as in 'I did this' or 'I did that', it's often teamwork, someway or the other. It's also worth noticing that introverts though sometimes having done something entirely themselves avoid using 'I' and prefer using 'we' to indicate teamwork and give credit to the team of colleagues that works together towards achieving a certain goal or while working for a specific client for instance. 

Introverts may use 'I' when it is absolutely necessary, when they know they can't justify that something has been done by a group of people, yet such emails can later be overshadowed by their sense of guilt. And these people are perfectionists too, they may re-read something several times before sending it ahead while working out different scenarios in their heads of what may happen or what the other person may say. They tend to stay ahead in mind.

Also, with a growing need to excel at one's job, he/she is required to be well versed with multitasking, however, quite a few studies have revealed that although it sounds like the brilliant requirement of this era, it doesn't facilitate productivity but in fact hampers it, you need to focus on one thing at a time. 

Introverts are often mistaken to be anti-social which is definitely not true, they may not appear highly gregarious at once but are selectively social and prefer their circle of fellow humans whom they can be themselves with. Here's an excerpt from the book:

'Probably the most common - and damaging - misunderstanding about personality type is that introverts are anti-social and extroverts are pro-social. But as we've seen, neither formulation is correct; introverts and extroverts are differently social. They are more likely to be with someone with a select group of friends, who prefers sincere and meaningful conversations over wild parties.'  

Furthermore, one cannot entirely be an introvert or an extrovert, you could have a certain personality type that could be a mix of both but slightly skewed towards a certain trait; mostly, we are ambiverts which is a mix of the two. Yes 'ambivert' is also a term.

If introverts were of no good in this world, we wouldn't have had the likes of Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates or even J.K. Rowling for that matter. Here's what Susan Cain has to say for some:

 

She further goes on to explain a situation in which an introvert is part of a dinner party:

' ... suddenly taking turns talking and listening; responding to what the other person said; assessing whether you're being understood; determining whether you're well received, and, if not, figuring out how to improve or remove yourself from the situation. Think of what it takes to juggle all this at once! And that's just a one-on-one conversation. Now imagine the multitasking required in a group setting like a dinner party. So when introverts assume the observer role, as when they write novels, or contemplate unified field theory - or fall quiet at dinner parties - they're not demonstrating a failure of will or a lack of energy. They're simply doing what they're constitutionally suited for.' 

The reference of Moonlight Sonata is simply apt when considering the topic being discussed and also the fact explained that introverts are highly sensitive:

"Many introverts are also 'highly sensitive', which sounds poetic, but is actually a technical term in psychology. If you are a sensitive sort, then you are more apt than the average person to feel pleasantly overwhelmed by Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata' or a well-tuned phrase or an act of extraordinary kindness. You may be quicker than others to feel sickened by violence or ugliness, and you likely have a very strong conscience. When you were a child you were probably called 'shy' ..."

Highly sensitive people are probably the reason this world is still a better place to live in because of their acts of kindness and as a result of what they are willing to do to for humankind. They feel the need to do good because they have felt it so deeply and this is probably the schism that divides them from the rest.

In simple words, this book is a must read for not just people who are introverts but also those line managers who have introverted subordinates; these people who do not make excessive noise while completing a project but their final results have their own distinct voice to speak of their efforts. Mostly importantly, extroverts should read this book to understand introverts better and introverts should read it to understand themselves and know that it's okay to be the way they are.

I abhorred all such situations when a naive interviewer would ask, 'If you are an introvert how can you be into Marketing or PR for that matter?' or when someone who knew me in school, now has the audacity to say, 'Or she can't be in this field, she's not just meant for it.' This book is also for such fools who just assume they know a lot about someone and can pass on judgements behind their backs. Ambivert is the term, my dear and the need to be surrounded with quality people.

To conclude it, I highly recommend this book to people, especially working individuals. There is so much you would end up relating to ... which is why I ended up making so many markings and notes. Oh look! So read and enjoy!

  


 And here's something to relate with:

Coco & Me with Alex & Me

Alex & Me is one such book that I had been eagerly searching for, however as unfortunate as it may sound, it hasn't been available in Pakistan. So, knowing my craze for parrots, a friend of ours got it from England ... thank you Fawzia, I owe you for this! 

I simply adore the personality of Alex, the Grey Parrot that is the center of attention of this book. Having one myself, as you can see above, I can so relate to the tantrums and mischievous demeanour of this species. And as I got to acquaint myself with both characters, Alex and Dr. Irene Pepperberg, the bird owner (although our type isn't exactly classified as bird owners but rather slaves) I fell in love with both. This lady's perseverance deserves all the respect in the world; despite being let down several times she continued working for what she believed in. Proving the cognitive ability of a bird in a world of ignorant humans was indeed a taxing task, however both came a long way.

Imagine sending a research proposal for a grant to carry out your study and being asked what you are smoking (Dr. Pepperberg's first attempt at acquiring a grant) is something one might not even directly ask a person who is perhaps even smoking weed ... oh yes, in that case the person would need help but in an intellectual case as this, the researcher is dealt with scorn. A drug addict is sent to a rehab and what do you do with an ambitious scientist? You ask her about her choice of drug ... how very cool. :P Never mind, human race can be funny sometimes, not knowing the real meaning of 'bird brain' as Alex later proved that this term could actually be used as a compliment.

As you go along Alex and Dr. Pepperberg's journey through the pages, it hits you hard given the sheer intelligence of a small bird which was not sought out before and the stark reality that there will never be another Alex. It's as if the author is directly talking to you.

I came to admire the fact that she did not believe in training the bird through operant conditioning based on which animals are starved and then given a treat when they respond in a desired way, quite an inhumane way indeed. Keeping the research of Otto Koehler, a German Zoologist in mind who did his research about Greys in the 1950s, she introduced a training model based on 3 components:

1. Reference (what the word/label means)
2. Functionality (pragmatics of how the word is used)
3. Social Interaction (the relationship between trainer and subject characterised by enthusiasm and kindness, as if talking to a child, hence leading to efficient learning)

She also introduced the rival method according to which she would have another person present during the training sessions and when asked a certain question if he/she would answer before Alex, that person would be rewarded. This sped up the learning process as Alex would try to win it ... eh, front benchers versus back benchers in class. :)

Alex was so intelligent that he even started coining his own terms. For example, when he was given an apple he called it 'banerry' perhaps thinking that it tasted somewhat like banana and looked like a large cherry. All attempts at emphasising upon the word 'apple' failed as he was persistent on calling it banerry quite vehemently and in the same cadence which apple was mentioned in. The author writes, 'No matter how hard we worked to get him to say apple, he stuck with his label. As far as Alex was concerned, "banerry" it was and "banerry" it was going to stay.' This way of picking parts of two words and adding them together into one word is called 'lexical elision'. Imagine a parrot not inclined towards rote learning but conversing and rather arguing for what he thought was correct.

At one occasion, Alex is described as being naughty. When shown a number of objects and asked how many of a specific colour they were, he deliberately started giving wrong answers after which Dr. Pepperberg decided to give him and break, took him to his room and closed the door. Immediately, Alex started calling out the correct answer, "Two ... two ... two ... I'm sorry ... come here!' he exclaimed. 

I know for a fact that these birds love to have their heads scratched and do not shy away from demanding some pampering, in Alex's case, he would say, 'You tickle' and as far as mine is concerned, she would grab my finger and drag it to her head, the rest is my duty to serve my mistress.



It is mentioned that someone sent Alex a toy bird, he went toward it, bent his head down and demanded, 'You tickle', ofcourse, the toy was unresponsive to which he said 'You turkey' and walked away. Apparently, some students sometimes said this to Alex when he involved himself in dumb acts.

Coco's demands are endless too. Sometimes, she would act lazy and not climb down towards the water bowl to drink water herself but would rather say, 'Coco wants water' and I have to oblige, these calls are at times fake and a means to lure my hand in for some scratches.



And she enslaves other bird species too, on her whim.


The ending of the book will make any pet lover emotional as it did to me, that's how the narration is ... so palpable! Even though it started off mentioning Alex's death, Dr. Pepperberg made the journey of her relationship with him so realistic that it almost felt like the brainy bird died yet again or that until then he was still alive.

Their last conversation and the parting exchange:

"You be good. I love you," Alex said to Dr. Irene Pepperberg.
"I love you, too," she replied.
"You'll be in tomorrow?"
"Yes," she said, "I'll be in tomorrow."

 This would squeeze anyone's heart! He died at the age of 31 in 2007 ... 10 years ago.

Alex's conceptual knowledge was equivalent to that of a 5 year old human's while his communication skills can be likened with a 2 year old's.

For the lovely person this lady is, she even replied to my email a few days ago for what was perhaps the last or the remaining few condolence messages. May she find peace in the thought that she made the most of the time she spent with Alex. 

What I learned through their relationship and perseverance is that if you truly believe in something you can make that happen, despite obstacles and hardships. Forget what people are saying now because tomorrow they will regret for not recognising what you were worth - their loss not yours. You don't really have to stand with the rest of the world ... stand out, make it happen and then enjoy the outcome. Relationships will be sacrificed along the way, people will leave you but that's life and in the end you would have achieved something and found true friends who were meant to be your pillars of support.

Don't run after those who were not meant to stay with you while you struggled ... make room for those who cherish and respect you.

"Why is love intensified by absence?" - is one of the strongest dialogues from The Time Traveller's Wife. Can you think of an answer? Perhaps having some occasional distance and some me-time are paramount in reflecting upon oneself and to genuinely continue loving, and loving again. This love could be refer to any relationship for that matter.

Well ... How has the long weekend been for you so far? Are you loving yourself enough this loooong weekend? I've been binge watching The Blacklist, knitting (making peace with a project I left incomplete), painting, and God knows what more I will do with the remaining time in what seems to be too good to be considered a reality. May 1 is a much deserved holiday for us, slaves (pun intended), and what more could we have asked for than having it on a Monday?! *drum rolls, TGIF and what not*

I thought of sharing my review regarding an interesting novel I recently read and I must say the well thought out narrative structure has the capability of having you engrossed until you finally finish reading what you started. Considering it was the debut novel of the author, Audrey Niffenegger, it's rather impressive how she linked the series of events and past, present, and future phases in the lives of the main characters while presenting a literary success.

The Time Traveller's Wife is about Henry de Tamble who time travels, a condition that later gets to be termed as the Chrono Displacement Disorder and is triggered when he is under stress. The odd part about his life is that he meets the childhood version of his wife when she is 6 and he, 36 as he involuntarily travels back in time. Or put in a different perspective, his wife, Clare Abshire meets him for the first time when she is only 6 not knowing that he would be her future husband, though in real time, Henry is only 8 years her senior. I don't know what the writer must have gone through while doing all the Math while keeping time travelling intact. Written mostly in first person narrative in Clare's and Henry's words, the author has the ability of making you feel as if you are time travelling with Henry as he keeps going back in forth in time, although he mostly keeps going to the past.

When Clare meets him for the first time, Henry is 28 and has no idea who she is yet Clare knows him very well, however, an older version of him. She has been one of the only few people since her childhood he can confide in as anyone could deem this time travelling condition as outright ridiculous. At the same time he has to be vigilant so as not to reveal to Clare regarding what the future holds since he has no control over the events that take place and he can't possibly alter them if travelling to the same time again; his mother's fatal accident being one of them as at age 5 that is the first time he travels a few days back in time. The car which he happens to be in with his mother faces a devastating impact and the stress causes him to vanish into another time zone, thereby saving his life.

Clare often nags him about the future and is curious about quite a lot that is yet to happen. She is often observed being anxious post Henry's atrociously long disappearances, at one occasion, Henry says, "Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay your whole life?"

As he grows older and starts time travelling often, he has to resort to becoming a self-taught con artist in order to survive because when he becomes prey to his Chrono Displacement Disorder and travels in such a manner, he is unable to carry anything with him, not even his clothes. Sometimes, he has to steal clothes to guard his modesty while giving up on his moral values while the rest, people's wallets; he even teaches these tricks to the younger version of himself.

Clare is seen to have a decent level of maturity from her childhood days as she protects Henry and keeps him a secret. 

The novel gets a bit too stretched post these two characters' marriage, however, all in all, it's a good read and I was a bit surprised after going through some negative comments on Good Reads. The rather strange side is the fact that Clare becomes so obsessed with Henry and is sure that she would end up marrying him someday that she does not consider any alternative at all despite this being an uncertain notion. And the ending is something the author should have reconsidered, also Clare would once again wait for Henry for ages as she becomes old. Where would he disappear in all this time and would this condition be passed on to the coming generation? What approach would his child/children take towards tackling this condition? Read up ... for May 1 hasn't ended yet. :) 

And I'm going to end this on a phenomenal line said by a character, Raymond Reddington in The Blacklist (the crime show I have been drinking up these days), "You can't judge a book by its cover but you can by its first few chapters and you can most certainly by its last ..."

You've got to admire Jon Bokenkemp for this thought and having said that, I don't entirely want to judge this book by it's last chapter though I'm the person who read the last page of every book first. I know, I have my own set of disorders :)

Picture snapped using Samsung Note 5

Weekends are always fun when you have a good book to read complimented by your much need fuel, COFFEE! And if you have a stock of bakery biscuits too then all you need to do is read and devour biscuits along with that frothy cup of coffee.

So today I'm going to discuss what I recently read, The Spy by Paulo Coelho that I bought from Liberty Books' Black Friday sale. Yes, I do not jump on the bandwagon of ridiculously buying clothes but instead hoarding on books was a good option. Well I hope I read them all soon, I'm a hoarder after all if not of clothes but books, yes. How can anyone forget the crazy traffic Karachi witnessed on the Black Friday and the chaos on roads, we as a nation need to equip ourselves more in terms of intellect and what we sound like once we start speaking rather than what we should look like. Looking presentable is everybody's right but you sounding intellectual is your country's right over you. 

So enough of the lecture, let's discuss what this book is about; be warned as it will make you feel sad but nonetheless it's a good read. 

Coelho, through his characters and their dialogues has a unique way of explaining the same thing from different perspectives as can be experienced via this book. It is based on a Dutch exotic dancer named Margaretha Geertruida Zelle who later adapted to a shorter name, Mata Hari; as Coelho expressed, 'Her only crime was to be an independent woman,' which she no doubt was and it's something that led to her execution eventually. Hers is a tale of melancholy and rapid paced stardom that had an even quicker downfall before she could even think beyond what struck her. She was used by someone to pull his hatred against
an entity and Mata Hari got accused for working as a German spy, whereas she was deceived into assuming that she was working for France.
 
This book has a good lesson regarding staying true to your roots and embracing who you actually are rather than what you want to become, as Margareth's mother expressed herself while handing her the Tulip seeds that she kept for years after that moment, "They're Tulip seeds, the symbol of our country. But, more than that, they represent a truth you must learn. These seeds will always be Tulips, even if at the moment you cannot tell them apart from other flowers. They will never turn into roses or sunflowers, no matter how much they might desire to. And if they try to deny their own existence, they will live life bitter and die."

And The Spy had varying opinions of characters about love, some I agreed with while some I disagreed with but here's the thing about the difference of opinions; you've got to listen to all and respect them for why and where they are coming from.

The Spy about 'Love':

1. "Never fall in love. Love is a poison. Once you fall in love, you lose control over your life - your heart and mind belong to someone else. Your existence is threatened. You start to do everything to hold on to your loved on and lose all sense of danger. Love, that inexplicable and dangerous thing, sweeps everything you are from the face of the Earth and, in its place, leaves only what your beloved wants you to be." - Madame Kireyevsky's advice to Mata Hari.

2. "Love is an act of faith and it's face should always be covered in mystery. Every moment should be lived with feeling and emotion because if we try to decipher it and understand it, the magic disappears." - Mata Hari's lawyer's letter to her before her execution (I think this also speaks volumes for people who like to post about their love life and their significant other very frequently on social media :) )    

3. "Love does not obey anyone and will betray those who try to decipher its mystery ... The body tires easily, but the spirit is always free and will help us get out, one day, from this infernal cycle of repeating the same mistake every generation. Although thoughts always remain the same, there is something stronger, and this is called love." - Mata Hari's lawyer's letter.

4.  Ecclesiastes saying:


I really liked Mata Hari's view as at one point in the book she is found saying, "Sin was not created by God; it was created by us when we tried to transform what was inevitable into something subjective. We ceased to see the whole and came to see just one part; and that part is loaded with guilt, rules, good versus evil, and each side thinking it's right." The sentence being so profound seems to relate with us as well as a nation, we are often seen busy accusing each other of being sinful and perceiving our own selves to be one of the most pious beings to have ever existed on the face of the Earth. And of course, accusing anyone of blasphemy is just a piece of cake isn't it. Therefore, if you actually ponder over some of the dialogues of this book, there is a lot to learn and ponder over a own thought processes.

Happy reading! :)

As I write this, my parrot is screaming her head of and trying to pretend to be a masochist by demonstrating what pulling feathers are like. Basically, she is seeking attention which she gets very much of, just now I let her out and the first thing she wanted to do was to write this blog post instead while taking control of the keyboard. She might look very innocent but she isn't, trust me ... but, but, but ... she's love!

My beautiful bird, Coco trying to act innocent!

So coming back to what I am reading and how I have been going about it. The last novel I read was the the Girl on the Train which I also wrote a review for. I was completely taken over by it until the end. So when I tend to read, amidst my solitude I tend to either sip my coffee in peace or considering my newfound habit, I chew gum. I haven't been a gum person but ever since I laid my hands on the recently launched gum, Trident by Mondelēz Pakistan I have been chewing it quite regularly while reading a suspense thriller, Finders Keepers by Stephen King. So when you are reading something like this by an author like Stephen King, you need to keep your mouth and mind refreshed and occupied by indulging into the ultimate refreshing habit. 

The plot of the story goes back to the 70's (1978 to be precise) when Morris Bellamy an obsessed reader invades the residence of America's symbolic author, John Rothstein and steals a trunk of money and his invaluable unpublished work before finally murdering him. Morris gets sentenced for thirty fives years in prison. Meanwhile in 2009, a boy named Pete Saubers discovers the same trunk. As time goes by and upon release in 2014, Morris is after the same treasure. Will Pete succumb to Darwinism? How he will be saved from the consequences that follow will be revealed later on. So far I have read about 50 plus pages so let's see how the book goes on ...

Enjoying Trident while I read Finders Keepers

After completing this particular novel, I will start reading Misery by the same author, provided I get enough time. I bought it from a book fair which is held every Sunday at Frere Hall. As also evident by its appearance, Misery is a 1987 psychological horror novel which was also nominated for the World Fantasy Award for the best novel in 1988. This novel is also about a writer Paul Sheldon, a writer quite renowned for Victorian-era romance novels involving the character of Misery Chastain. One particular day, in this case as well, an obsessed fan rescues Paul from a car crash and takes him to her house. She then forces him to modify the story in his latest book just because she didn't like it as she would go at any length to make him do it!


So coming back to the gum needed while reading a psychological thriller. Trident has been launched in four flavours; two are mint flavours, namely Spearmint and Peppermint, while two are fruity flavours: Watermelon and Strawberry. My personal favourite is Strawberry though quite a number of people have revealed that they like the Watermelon flavour a lot. So it's a chewing gum targetted towards adults unlike a bubble gum which is formulated to make big bubbles. Trident, on the other hand, has a softer chew and the flavour is pretty long lasting which came as a surprise to me as it also didn't become hard after constant chewing. There were these flavours left in my room which smelled good after I returned to it after quite a while.

My favourite flavour

The price points are quite cost effective for the masses as well since a single unit costs Rs. 5 and the five piece pack costs Rs. 25.

Single unit of Trident

All 4 flavours of Trident available in Pakistan

So are you a mint person or a fruity person?

Hey wait, did you know these facts about Trident?

1.It was launched in 1964 as the first patented sugar free gum.  

2. It was the first gum in space and has been in every space shuttle mission since 1981.

3. It's available in more than 70 countries.

4. It is available around the world under various sibling brand names, for example;
it is known as Beldent in Argentina, First in Turkey, Hollywood in France, Dirol in Russia, and Stomirol in most of Europe and Africa.   

5. 2004 marked Trident's 40th birthday which equals 17 million pounds of gum or 4.5 billion sticks! Woah! Now that's huge! 

Have a great weekend everyone!